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November 27 2019

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How To Deliver Christmas Presents
Building codes in hurricane zones rely on studies of how easily flying debris can break residential windows. If you're looking for a science fair project idea and you hate your neighbors, I'm sure they could always use more data!

November 25 2019

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Aurora Meaning
The astro-ph.SR arXiv servers are simultaneously being overwhelmed by electronic requests and actual electricity.
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November 22 2019

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Hotel Room Party
[proudly greeting the hotel manager at the door] "Did I do aa good job?"

November 20 2019

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The Time Before and After Land
According to Google, "the time for Beeland" is apparently whenever you're looking for delicious honey in Spillimacheen, British Columbia or a hexagonal chalet in the Savinja valley in Slovenia.

November 18 2019

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Versus Bracket
Some works didn't make the cut; in "Ecks vs. Sever" vs. the passage of time, the latter seems to have won pretty decisively.

November 15 2019

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Rey and Kylo
We're like 10+ movies in and the focus has been almost entirely on the WARS half.

November 13 2019

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Machine Learning Captcha
More likely: Click on all the pictures of people who appear disloyal to [name of company or government]

November 11 2019

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Transit of Mercury
For some reason the water in my pool is green and there's a weird film on the surface #nofilter

November 08 2019

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Recombination And Reionization
These signals seem to be pre-star-formation but post-Malone.

November 06 2019

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Voting Referendum
The weirdest quirk of the Borda count is that Jean-Charles de Borda automatically gets one point; luckily this has no consequences except in cases of extremely low turnout.

November 04 2019

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Software Updates
Everything is a cloud application; the ping times just vary a lot.

November 01 2019

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Screen Time
These new Bluetooth socks are great, but it's troubling to learn that I average almost 14 hours of Shoe Time a day.

October 30 2019

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Terminator: Dark Fate
I was sent here to stop the robot that was sent here to protect the human who was sent here to protect the human who was sent here to destroy the robot that was sent here to vacuum the floor.

October 28 2019

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I laugh at the software as if I'm 100% confident that it's 2019.

October 25 2019

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Imagine Going Back in Time
I wonder what the trendy adults in 2019 who are too cool for Pokemon will be into. Probably Digimon!

October 23 2019

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Earthquake Early Warnings
I was fired by the National Weather Service five minutes after they hired me for going into their code base and renaming all the tornado warnings to "tornado spoiler alerts."

October 21 2019

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If you'd just agree to hold your meetings in here, you'd have PLENTY of time to figure things out before the deadline.

October 16 2019

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Percent Milkfat
"So what's dark energy?" "Cosmologists and the FDA are both trying very hard to find out."

October 14 2019

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Faculty:Student Ratio
They managed to briefly hit the top of the rankings when they rejected everyone except one applicant, published 5 billion research papers that just said "Hi," and hired one of their graduates for $50 trillion/year (then fired them after 10 microseconds.)

October 11 2019

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Chemistry Nobel
Most chemists thought the lanthanides and actinides could be inserted in the sixth and seventh rows, but no, they're just floating down at the bottom with lots more undiscovered elements all around them.
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